why arrogant bushes are worse than humble trees


This is a speech that I did while I was in 9th grade in front of the class. I felt that I might as well do a blast to the past, because it’s summer and if there’s a time to reminisce this is when. It has been edited to make it shorter. So here it is.

A tree. What do you picture when I say that word? I think of a tall majestic redwood touching the atmosphere, its leaves dancing in the breeze. Now picture a bush. A scrawny, low to the ground plant that doesn’t have a trunk and therefore no pride. They have no real purpose. So these are some reasons why I think we should outlaw bushes.

 I.  A. First off, bushes are low to the ground. They bring no real happiness, do not bring people joy. When I see a bush, my vision goes red, but I’m an extreme case; when other people see a bush however, they aren’t overwhelmed and say, “Ohmigosh, look it’s a bush, I’m so happy!” No. If they do say something at all, they say, “Oh look. It’s a bush.”

B. You see, they are literally looked down upon, whereas a tree, oh, a beautiful skyhigh tree, we have to look up at, and admire. Kids step on bushes when they’re tramping through the woods and they don’t even notice, because bushes don’t matter. Dogs do their business on bushes, for crying out loud, and we let them because we feel nothing for bushes!

 II. Bushes aren’t wanted or needed like trees are.

            A. Trees make shade for us; bushes do not. Think about where we’d be without trees; everywhere would be desert, and heat stroke would be rampant, until it eventually killed off the entire human race! And then the bunnies would go, their little ears flopping their last as they sigh and sink to the ground in defeat. And last and least, the rats would take their final breaths raising their claws in agony to the sun. Think about it: without trees there would worldwide suffering. We need them. And we do not need bushes!

            B. Another thing: we make paper from trees; we can’t make anything from bushes!

                        1. Without trees, we wouldn’t have books or newspapers or magazines, and then where would we get our entertainment and knowledge from? Because without trees to make paper from, we wouldn’t have had the printing press, which also indirectly means we wouldn’t have T.V. or the internet, because those scientists that created the T.V. needed something to write on didn’t they!

                        2. Besides, without paper, how would we take notes? And without notes, how we would study? Which means we would all fail out of high school and become hobos and it would be all because trees are under-appreciated.

            D. Also, you can’t climb a bush, for crying out loud!

                        1. Picture this: a hungry lion is chasing you because you tried to feed it strawberry jam and it didn’t want any of your strawberry jam. You see a bush and a tree. Which one are you going to run to? Which one will keep you farthest away from that animal you have maddened? In other words, which one will help you the most? A tree, because you can climb it! A bush you cannot climb, it cannot protect in any way!

            E. Then there are fruit trees, not fruit bushes. Think about it: all delicious fruit comes from trees: apple trees, plum trees, pear trees, peach trees. Come on! With berries on bushes, it’s hard to tell if they’re poisonous or not, and I for one am not willing to take that chance. Fruit on trees, however, usually have a shape or color that you can use to identify it.

            F. So bushes can kill. Really, a little kid sees a bright red berry and thinks to himself, “Ooh, I wonder what that’ll taste like?” and so he just has to taste it. And then he ends up in the emergency room having his stomach sucked out at two in the morning thinking, “Oh, I wish I hadn’t eaten that…” Yeah. Another thing: Their pointy leaves hurt! I mean, it’s like little individual daggers stabbing into your skin, it could have been a torture technique that the Vikings could use! If only they were still around now.

 III. Bushes aren’t as acknowledged or as popular as trees are.

            A. Like, for instance, when we’re on a road trip, my family and I could make comments like, “Oh, that tree with the sun behind it like that is just magical!” or “Oh, those flowers are so pretty they take my breath away!” We would never think of saying, “Oh, look at that adorable bush!” Because people just don’t take notice of them because they’re just there, something they just have to live with. But we actually don’t! We don’t have to put up with them anymore! We can exterminate them and never have to see another stinkin’ little bush again! 

 A. Another thing: bushes kill grass. Grass. You know, that stuff that you roll around in, and which gives you a bounce in your step, and what is much better to land on than concrete? What would we do without soft, sweet grass? And bushes kill grass, they are murderers! We’re not going to stand for this, are we? We must take action against this evil that plagues us!

            Bushes. It’s such an ugly word, isn’t it? Bushes should be illegal because there is no use for them and they’re not important and they’re dangerous to the well-being of children and grass. Yep. Thank you.

 And just to be clear, the speech above was in a sarcastic manner. I don’t really have much of anything against bushes. I also know that many of the points were all over the place, but hey, it was 9th grade and I didn’t have to even turn in the written because we were graded on how we spoke. Hope you liked it!


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